PoppyRow

So it’s coming along. My life that is. They say if you want to eat an elephant you need to tackle it one bite at a time. I have been spread so thin lately that I run around not really accomplishing anything. Ever feel that crazy? I remember when I first had my daughter, I would just lay around, my very existence defining “bored to death”. Now, I can’t fathom being bored, and at times I yearn to taste the sweetness of doing just nothing.

And therefore I am trying to adopt new habits that will allow me a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes I think its silly to try to get into new habits, because for the most part, I can’t break old bad habits and have a very difficult time keeping up with new good ones. I get to thinking “what’s the point?” But I try to remember that the free-spirit that was afraid of money now could not imagine living without tracking her daily expenses on a pre-planned monthly budget. And I try to remember being fat- I mean REALLY fat for my height. We’re talking 200 pounds on a five-foot-one frame. And I can’t imagine just eating with abandon anything I please like I used to. I think of how my marriage to my best friend in the whole world had become completely broken, and I can’t imagine not having the love and passion we have so carefully fostered into our lives.

Apparently, you really can change. That is so encouraging that it brings tears to my eyes. Because if I have arrived, I don’t want to go on. The thrill of living is in the journey, in the change and growth. I have to believe I can grow into being the artist that already lives within me.

I have three philosophies in life. I apply them to everything, and they make all the difference in the world to me. #1: It is what it is. #2: Today is the first day of the rest of my life. #3: No matter what happens, everything will turn out just fine, as long as I’m really trying. These have given me perspective, helped me to accept my situations, given me an enormous sense of peace, and helped me to let go of burdens.

When I want to encourage myself, I dig out my old pic and see that things don’t always have to stay the way they are. I can’t change the past, but my decisions impact the future. This used to be me. It still is me, only more so. Or there’s only less of me now. Almost 75 pounds actually! So, I can become a better, healthier, more creative, more productive, more financially savvy, etc… etc… etc… person if I want to….